I originally wrote this post ten years ago on my old now-dead blog. Very little has changed and I only had to tweak a couple of sentences. Even the issues with people who think this is binary hasn't changed: OMG, look at the person shutting out the entire world while the house is on fire! This is not what that means. If you don't get it, you don't get it. And that's not my problem. Had my say. Going back to work.
If we didn't shut out the world and lock ourselves in our studios, we'd never get a damned thing done — whether (responsibly, like you) working on a contracted deadline or making art for ourselves. I've had plenty of push-back over the years about how it must be *nice* to be an artist, but it's not like it's brain surgery or something. (Yet, strangely, I've managed to pay the bills.)
As I've aged, the stupid-guilt has faded. This is really about self-preservation. I'm the least productive printmaker in the world, as a printmaking instructor and caregiver now, but when I have backup at the house I can go out in my print studio, get out of range of wifi and go into glorious bubble-mode. The outside world can stuff it. As we used to say on the movie sets I worked on, back in the day, "As a matter of fact, it IS brain surgery."
I call myself a cave dweller. Since I have housemates, I go into my room and close my door. My world is inside my room. I have my computer for writing, and some art supplies for when I make time to do some visual arts. I do have my share to diversions -- "desk toys" to cheer me up (the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Baby Yoda figures in various poses, Funko Good Omens figures). Basically, visual stimuli.
But non-creatives don't always understand that the cave protects the multiple worlds my mind wanders in: Anglo-Saxon England for my current personal work-in-progress; the ski resort communities of Southern California, for a client's project; the counseling world for parents and teachers dealing with children with ADHD, for another client. And those are just the currently active ones. On the horizon is getting back into Arveniem, my own fantasy novel world; the Darkling Drift, a space adventure; Odysseus' Ithaka and Penelope as she rules in his absence.... so many places to be, so many things to work on.
Hamlet says "I could be bounded in a nutshell ... were it not that I have bad dreams." Well, I fortunately don't have the bad dreams. And my "nutshell" is suitably comfortable. And necessary.
I no longer even try to explain it to others. I just smile and admit, "I am a cave dweller."
Man, I feel this. When I was starting my journey towards music, it was soooooooo hard to learn that lesson and find the bubble - and maintain it - that let me move toward success. Even now at 50, it takes my family’s work to help me, and I’m blessed that they’re there and willing!!!!
Thank you for having the courage to say this! It is so very true. I’ve often tried to tell people “how it is” and could never find the words. You nailed it!
When I started out, I tried to ladder climb like the drama people because I thought it was what you were supposed to do (and let's face it, some people have figured it out).
But about 5 years in, I had 1,000 followers, lots of tweets, and almost no work to my name. Also, I wasn't really having fun and didn't really like who I was.
And whatever I was, it sure as hell wasn't an artist.
So yeah, glad I figured that one out and didn't waste any more time. Hermit life for me.
This is great! "Don't touch my stuff" and "Don't move or organize in your style". We all have our own way of maximizing our efforts, what works for one is unique to that one. And will be respected.
Thank you Colleen for the essay/post. I am currently working on finishing a text book and much of what you wrote crystalizes issues currently weighing on me. That was something I needed to read.
I tend to think of "access" as being on a slider: On one end is "access to me," and on the other is "access to my art." As the slider moves toward one, it moves away from the other. It's impossible to have 100% of both; there is always a sacrifice. But ultimately, *I* decide how much input others can have on where the slider lands on my line. If I *need* to create, that's where the slider is going to be, all else be damned. I'm glad you're taking steps to maintain your focus on what matters to you most.
I originally wrote this post ten years ago on my old now-dead blog. Very little has changed and I only had to tweak a couple of sentences. Even the issues with people who think this is binary hasn't changed: OMG, look at the person shutting out the entire world while the house is on fire! This is not what that means. If you don't get it, you don't get it. And that's not my problem. Had my say. Going back to work.
If we didn't shut out the world and lock ourselves in our studios, we'd never get a damned thing done — whether (responsibly, like you) working on a contracted deadline or making art for ourselves. I've had plenty of push-back over the years about how it must be *nice* to be an artist, but it's not like it's brain surgery or something. (Yet, strangely, I've managed to pay the bills.)
As I've aged, the stupid-guilt has faded. This is really about self-preservation. I'm the least productive printmaker in the world, as a printmaking instructor and caregiver now, but when I have backup at the house I can go out in my print studio, get out of range of wifi and go into glorious bubble-mode. The outside world can stuff it. As we used to say on the movie sets I worked on, back in the day, "As a matter of fact, it IS brain surgery."
I call myself a cave dweller. Since I have housemates, I go into my room and close my door. My world is inside my room. I have my computer for writing, and some art supplies for when I make time to do some visual arts. I do have my share to diversions -- "desk toys" to cheer me up (the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Baby Yoda figures in various poses, Funko Good Omens figures). Basically, visual stimuli.
But non-creatives don't always understand that the cave protects the multiple worlds my mind wanders in: Anglo-Saxon England for my current personal work-in-progress; the ski resort communities of Southern California, for a client's project; the counseling world for parents and teachers dealing with children with ADHD, for another client. And those are just the currently active ones. On the horizon is getting back into Arveniem, my own fantasy novel world; the Darkling Drift, a space adventure; Odysseus' Ithaka and Penelope as she rules in his absence.... so many places to be, so many things to work on.
Hamlet says "I could be bounded in a nutshell ... were it not that I have bad dreams." Well, I fortunately don't have the bad dreams. And my "nutshell" is suitably comfortable. And necessary.
I no longer even try to explain it to others. I just smile and admit, "I am a cave dweller."
Fermentation bubbles, Colleen.
Man, I feel this. When I was starting my journey towards music, it was soooooooo hard to learn that lesson and find the bubble - and maintain it - that let me move toward success. Even now at 50, it takes my family’s work to help me, and I’m blessed that they’re there and willing!!!!
Thank you for having the courage to say this! It is so very true. I’ve often tried to tell people “how it is” and could never find the words. You nailed it!
When I started out, I tried to ladder climb like the drama people because I thought it was what you were supposed to do (and let's face it, some people have figured it out).
But about 5 years in, I had 1,000 followers, lots of tweets, and almost no work to my name. Also, I wasn't really having fun and didn't really like who I was.
And whatever I was, it sure as hell wasn't an artist.
So yeah, glad I figured that one out and didn't waste any more time. Hermit life for me.
Fascinating
I really needed to read this. Thank you 🙏
Perfectly put.
I'm keeping this post to share with people for the rest of my days.
Thank you!!!
This is great! "Don't touch my stuff" and "Don't move or organize in your style". We all have our own way of maximizing our efforts, what works for one is unique to that one. And will be respected.
Thank you for this, Colleen Doran!
You expressed it all perfectly.
Fantastico!
The next time someone suggests I do something for them during the week because I work from home, I'm going to send them here.
Thank you Colleen for the essay/post. I am currently working on finishing a text book and much of what you wrote crystalizes issues currently weighing on me. That was something I needed to read.
I tend to think of "access" as being on a slider: On one end is "access to me," and on the other is "access to my art." As the slider moves toward one, it moves away from the other. It's impossible to have 100% of both; there is always a sacrifice. But ultimately, *I* decide how much input others can have on where the slider lands on my line. If I *need* to create, that's where the slider is going to be, all else be damned. I'm glad you're taking steps to maintain your focus on what matters to you most.